Craig and Pete put down the bar-b-que and give a small podcast for the Independence Day holiday. Pete reviews his new iPhone 4, and gives a comparison to the iPad. Brief comics and movie news is covered, and the two review the latest summer blockbuster: Transformers 3. Craig gives the news on new DLC for Rockband and a leaked version of Gears of Wars 3. Then Pete and Craig compile a list of third movie sequels that were better than the second ones before them.

For Podcast 55, we asked you the listening audience for the top Movie Douches of all time. Your answers echoed throughout the halls of the Giggaheim, and we finally got off our collective fannies to put a list together of the results. Many people nominated actors, others nominated characters, so here it all is in no particular order:

Johnny Lawrence – Karate Kid

This blonde-haired douche instigated and bullied his way under our skins. He was everything you were annoyed at, and a parent’s worst fear; a smart assed kid who knew karate.

Principle Richard Vernon – Breakfast Club

The power-mad jackass who imprisoned the Brat Pack, and typecast kids in a way that would echo throughout the halls of every high school in America. He was the douche that everyone hated, and the douche that everyone wanted to avoid.

Deputy Police Chief Dwayne T. Robinson – Die Hard

Same Actor, different douche. This police chief bungled, blamed, and supposed his way through a situation that went from bad to worse, and mad elife that much more miserable for a hero without shoes.

Dolores Umbridge – Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Sorry Barbie, Douche comes in pink. And in this case, it’s a 5-foot tall, freedom impounding, giggling figure of terror. She imposed a slow stranglehold on everyone’s favorite magical institute publicly firing professors, imposing laws, and spreading misery.

Percy Wetmore – Green Mile

Stephen King is a master of horror, but he is also a master of writing guys we want to see tortured to death. Percy was a dark smear on the kindly staff of the Green Mile. He threatened prisoners, embarrassed them, and even killed someone horribly to watch them die.

Carter Burke – Aliens

Who embodies the idea of junk bonds in your mind? My avatar of greedy corporate shills is Carter Burke. This asshole represented the company, and their desire to have an alien to play with, and always though about the profit margins and bottom lines. He’s also selfish coward among heroic marines.

David Drumlin –Contact

Self-serving political assholes are characters that all Americans despise. Ellie tries to find artificial life Drumlin cuts its funding. Ellie makes a discovery, Drumlin takes it. This show boat couldn’t die fast enough.

Philip Stucky – Pretty woman

Speaking of Douche bags, this one was the guy you don’t invite anywhere because he is hell bent on spoiling everything. A needling meddler is always a bag of douche, and Jason Alexander played the part so well that it took years to accept him in any other role.

Eric Gordon – Billy Madison

Another turd in the punchbowl is Eric Gordon. Part corporate ladder-climber, part jerk-off, he wrecks all the fun time that Billy Madison has, and applies the pressure whenever possible.

Colonel Miles Quarith – Avatar

This over-the-top military commander is a nightmare of American expansionism reborn. His motivations are to bring pain and destruction, and to inflict damage and pain. He ranked near the top of our list due to the amount of people who nominated him, and we believe you all have good taste by naming this douche.

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-wGbCEaCmE

10) Milner’s Douce Coup – This canary yellow coup was the drag racing king in George Lucas’ American Graphitti. The car’s throaty engine and funny car design is an icon of the early 1960’s and the Hot Rod age.

9) The Hannible Twin 8 – The cartoony yet effective car that crossed the globe in the Great Race. It has a heated cone in front to brave the snow, rising carriage to ride through floods, and a cannon to defeat the Great Leslie. This car embodies the impressive engineering of the early 1900’s, and the loony comedy of the movie it is in.

Bullitt Mustang – This is the American cool car. There are Trans Ams, Challengers, and Corvettes, but the Bullitt Mustang with Steve McQueen behind the wheel is the same as apple pie. When this Shelby Fastback tears through the streets of San Francisco it makes secret cells of Muslims sign up for the Marines. (Why do you think it is on AMC so often?)

7) Bandit’s Trans Am – The 1977 black Trans Am inspire many of us to don a cowboy hat, and tear ass on the backroads of Georgia. Once you drive south, you want a t-topped V-8 to challenge the po-lice thanks to this 1977 comedy’s exciting chase scenes.

6) Blues Mobile – It’s got a cop motor, a 440 cubic inch plant, it’s got cop tires, cop suspensions, cop shocks. It’s a model made before catalytic converters so it’ll run good on regular gas.

Fix the Lighter

5) Ecto-1 – Speaking of icons of film, one of the movies we all grew up with was Ghostbusters, and the ambulance that would scream into the night to fight ghosts. Whenever this crazy ambulance with the vast array of machinery mounted on top passes by, or is on TV, we all smile

4) Herbie – This love bug starred in the movie of the same name: Herbie by Disney. The famous story of the Disney crew that needed to select the car that would embody the lovable smart car was brutal to the menagerie of cars that were put before them. They slammed doors and kicked tires but when the VW bug rolled into the studio, they pet it and called it “cute”. Nuff said.

3) Batmobile (1990) – To make it to the top, your car has to be iconic, and people should associate what that car is with what movie it came from. And in 1990, when this batmobile rolled onto the screen, the world was captivated. No flashy icons, or neon was needed. A sleek black car with as many gadgets as its owner.  The Batmobile.

2) Delorean – Anoother 1980’s movie with an iconic car was Back to the Future. The car was the time machine, and why not? It was Stainless Steel! But stand back, once it hit 88 miles pr hour, you’d see some serious shit.

1) DB5 – 007 wouldn’t be the idolized spy without this sweet ride. The Aston Martin DB5 is iconic and associated with vodka martinis that are shaken not stirred, and dudes with a british accent that is licensed to kill.­

Got a special car that didn’t make the list? Comment below!

Yes, I finally saw the film a few days ago, and have just gotten around to writing down my thoughts. If you have heard a few episodes of the podcast, you know that I thought I was too old for the book. I had reached a certain point where I didn’t really care about a slacker’s crush on a girl, or how “revolutionary” it’s storytelling style was by incorporating video games. I liked the story devices, and thought the art style and panels were a clever storytelling technique, but I just didn’t take to it.

Upon hearing the news of there being a Scott Pilgrim movie, I didn’t much care. I was glad another comic book property that other readers enjoyed would be making its way to theaters, but past that nothing. And then I learned Edgar Wright would be directing. Game on. I am a huge Edgar Wright fan. I own all his directorial projects with exception to some of the guest directing TV shows he did for BBC. And after thumbing though the book again, I knew that would be a perfect match. The swift transitions and quirky humor that defined Spaced would be well-honed technique for this movie.

And it served well. The quick edits and fast jokes keep the movie from getting too serious, and help viewers stay immersed in the world that Brian Lee O’Malley wrote and illustrated. The graphic insertiosn like the character bios and other effects help define the movie as “Scoot Pilgrim”, and were a contributing factor to this movie’s ability to be entertaining on repeat viewings.  Michael Cera was a point of contention for some fans and I can sympathize to a degree. The guy hasn’t been able to stretch his range, so he seems to be playing the same guy over and over. However, his delivery and timing are spot on. While he wasn’t the Scott Pilgrim from the comics, he was a more enjoyable one to me. What turned me off about the main character was his slacker ways, and his ignorance.  The movie cuts much of that (probably for time and pace) and between the smart edits and Cera’s performance Scott became a character I could become interested in.

The cast itself is loaded with talent: Alison Pill, Mark Webber, Anna Kendrick, Chris Evans, Brandon Routh, and Jason Schwartzman. Two members that’ stole the show were Kieran McCulkin for his role as Wallace Wells (gay roommate) and Ellen Wong for her portrayal of Knives Chau. She was exactly as I had read her. Cute, heart crushing, and spunky. McCulkin delivered brilliant moments every time he was on screen. Classic performances that made the movie a gem to watch. Mary Elizabeth Winstead’s performance as Romona Flowers was exactly as I had read her too. Perfect casting, with great acting to follow up with true portrayals of the characters that readers are familiar with. There are several cameos that stand out, but for the sake of those who haven’t watched the film yet, I will leave the better one anonymous.

So was it good? Yes. And even as a reader that felt “too old” to appreciate the books, I loved watching it. It didn’t seem like the drippy adventures of a lazy man-boy, but a young guy on a Street-fighter-inspired quest to conquer a girl’s heart. My wife and I are still hitting each other up with quotes, and laughing at scenes that happened in the movie (Window diving). It was funny, fast-paced, energetic, emotional, and just plain fun. It ranks high on my Summer Movies of 2010 list, and I would bet dollars to donuts that it will be a permanent fixture on the turner networks. A year from now you will be able to turn on TBS or TNT and this will be playing.

Peter Schmeiser – Giggaheim Director
Peter is normally answering several questions everyday about continuity of the DC universe, the status of Spider-man, who has been cast in the latest movies, and what counts as canon in Star Wars. Pete enjoys voicing his opinions on the latest comic books, playing video games, and sharing his wealth of useless comic book knowledge with his friends. The Giggaheim was made to share that.

Now Action movies have a special place in the family memories. My father and I would watch Untouchables, Die Hard, Hunt for Red October, Highlander, Predator, Indiana Jones, and more every week-night we didn’t have something else going on.  So, I knew which stars made my list, and the podcast crew fought to the bitter end to create a list for you.

10) Errol Fylnn – The founder of the feast, the Keystone, and many people’s onscreen Robin Hood. Errol Flynn is synonymous with action movies since he made them a mainstay in your local movie house. With 62 movies to his credit, Errol Flynn’s natural athletic talent and dashing looks made him a prime leading man for Warner Brothers Studios where he quickly became the king of swashbuckling films like Captain Blood and Robin Hood. Hell, this guy is the reason we say “In like Flynn”.

9) Sean Connery -  This actor was actually knighted for his onscreen work (that’s “Sir” to you peasants), and with a 90-film resume, he’s earned it. Sir Sean Connery has captured roles and made them his. When people think James Bond, they think Sean Connery. His depth in roles from sword wielding immortal, to unbeatable submarine captain, to secret agent make him a sure #9.

Charles Bronson – With a surprisingly long filmography (162 films) Charles Bronson silently make his way onto our list. From early episodes of The Twilight Zone to the Dirty Dozen to Magnificent Seven to Once Upon A Time in the Old West, Charles Bronson was the Boba Fett of his age. Bronson was the silent killer, the quiet bad-ass that lent danger to the screen.  Bronson had a way of keeping you captivated and curious about his character, and despite his iron visage, he was able to emote and make the audience feel as he did.

7) Bruce Lee – There are a thousand martial arts stars that come from the famous Hong Kong studios, but only one usually comes to mind: Bruce Lee. Founder of Jeet Kune Do, Bruce lee was a modern marvel we are lucky to have preserved on film. His lightning quick agility matched with amazing physical abilities made him a joy to watch. Performances by Bruce Lee paved the way for martial arts to find their way into major distribution, and Enter the Dragon exploded onto screens. Not only did Bruce Lee battle bad guys, but he also had to battle prejudice of White audiences and movie studios (among other entities). Eventually his abilities and temperament would pave the way for other oriental stars like David Carradine, Jackie Chan, Chow Yung Fat, and Jet Li. Not only was he great on screen, but Bruce lee founded his own form of martial arts to match his philosophy and fighting style. A true warrior.

6) Clint Eastwood – One of the few action stars who doesn’t just play “tough guy”. Clint has won awards for both is acting and his directing. He first introduced as a singing cowboy and later became the silent and deadly man with no name in several Sergio Leone  “Spaghetti Westerns”. Clint is a true icon for his work on westerns, but also as the scourge of the San Francisco underworld as Detective Harry Callahan. Key phrases like “Go ahead, make my day” have been aped by every American more than the pledge of allegiance (It is shorter) . His depth in acting, filmography, and ability to create action films we truly believe in are what makes his a top contender on our list.

5) Bruce Willis – This actor has had just as radical a path as the others on this list. First starring in a dramedy in the 1980s, Bruce Willis then exploded onto the silver screen playing the cop that got caught in a terrorist plot and seizure of a skyscraper. This shoeless hero endeared us to Bruce and his everyman style followed him on other projects such as Fifth Element, 12 Monkeys, and Pulp Fiction. His delivery of comedy, believable action, and depth of films have made him an action star that we all love.

4) Harrison Ford – The reluctant carpenter first came on the scene as a cowboy drag racer in American Graphitti. But everyone thinks of him as two essential film icons of action: Han Solo and Indiana Jones. Harrison Ford embodies the interstellar smuggler with one line quips, a fast draw, and the ability to win the heart of the princess. Many of those characteristics translated well to the thief/Archeologist Indiana Jones. The adventurer with a phobia for snakes damn near didn’t happen, and Harrison owes some of his fame to Magnum P.I. since Tom Selleck couldn’t play the leading role. But, Harrison also plays the everyman in other films so well, he takes audiences on the thrill ride with him. Thousands of people believe that they cracked whips, chased androids, flew the fastest hunk of junk in the galaxy, and been a fugitive thanks to Harrison’s ability to make us all action heroes.

3) Mel Gibson – The Australian first came on the scene as post-apocalyptic survivor, and quickly became an icon for action. As Sargent Martin Riggs, the “crazy” gun-wielding, martial arts fighting badass cemented Lethal Weapon as a mandatory watch for all action films. Like Clint Eastwood, Mel Gibson has directed Academy Award Winning films, and played everything from war-leading Scotsmen, to alien-fighting father, to disfigured war veteran. His ability to portray betrayal and anger keep us riveted, and ability to deliver punch lines and comedy endear his performances to audiences.

2) Sylvester Stallone – There were a handful of dudes you wanted to be in the 1980s, and Sly played two of them. John Rambo, and Rocky Balboa. His mumbled lines in Rocky have earned thousands of mock impressions, but Sly wound up laughing all the way to the bank. Rocky earned a few awards, and few action stars are able to write and direct equally as well as they act. Along with our number one action hero, Sly was well known for his physique which allowed audiences to believe he could defeat Mr. T in a boxing ring, or take on whole armies. Other macho roles such as police detectives, arm wrestlers, and Judge Dredd have made him an icon of action.

1) Arnold Schwarzenegger – This man epitomizes the action hero. He gets up early every morning, feeds the cats, makes his lunch, blogs for hours on end, reads comics, takes out the garbage…wait that’s me. Arnold is 10 feet tall, wields guns the size of Winnebago, takes on tough alien life forms, and there is no enemy he can’t defeat. If you walked into a dark alley, this would be the guy you would walk into it with. He’s a fearless commando, a sword wielding barbarian, and a man of many one-liners. Action figures and super heroes have been modeled after his enormous physique. Think about it. When did Superman have a huge barrel chest, and super ripped arms? Hell, even my spell check knows who the guys is. And that’s why he is the number one action hero.

10) Blade 2 - From very bad CGI, holy crap bad CGI, to a downright horrible story Blade 2 takes a promising series of films down the toilet with its cheap animations that someone did on their personal time at home to leaving the user asking “WTF?” the entire time. I mean honestly; lord of the vampires??, genetically engineering perfect vampires that are just like Blade (daywalker) and reject engineered vampires that kill and drink the blood of other vampires before humans; really cause this movie to be very disappointing when compared to Blade 1. HOLY CRAP BAD CGI!!!!

9) CaddyShack 2 -

CaddyShack 2 is the reason Studio Executives have been fired. It’s sequel to the 1980 hit Caddyshack is a pale imitation of the wacky genius that made a parody of golf culture. Jackie Mason takes over for Rodney Dangerfield as an owner of a construction company who is pulled into the snooty Bushwood Country Club from the first film. A teenage daughter tries to fit in with the “cool crowd” (Stereotypical 1980’s theme) and her father tries desperately to help her (doomed plot line). Robert Stack takes over the role of antagonist, and tries to keep the weird family out of the club by…wait for it…challenging him to a round of golf.

And just when you thought you have seen this movie before (because you have), Bill Murray’s brilliance was replaced by Dan Aykroyd? What? Feel like you are in the Bizzaro World yet? Me Am excited. Naturally, the movie producers couldn’t Have Aykroyd doing Aykroyd, but a shallow impression of the burned out brilliance of Bill Murray. And just when you want to scoop out your eyeballs with dull spoons, the film continues to imitate the original with the same gags. Luckily, this movie’s lack of originality and piss-poor casting further elevates the genius of the original.

Gremlins 2: the New Batch – Holy crap what was that? Sure, Gremlins isn’t a shining example of a creature-based horror film, but the originality and creepy gags they used were great. So why not make a sequel that takes place in a city Skyscraper/Shopping mall? The offensive list:

• Hulk Hogan guest appearance
• Product placements to choke a horse
• Same old gags
• Moronic, repeated story
•Talking gremlins

The only clever bit in this movie is when the flying gremlin turns to stone, and winds up a gargoyle. Ugh.

7) Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace – Where to begin? Well let’s go from the obvious. This sequel was one of the hottest anticipated movies with 16 years of anticipation. What’s worse is the trailers were incredible, and I myself must have downloaded them about 1,629 times (over a 56k dial-up connection mind you). The offensive list:

• Trade routes and Taxes = fun
• Obi-man’s mysteriously growing hair
• Thinly veiled, racially-offensive, dumbass sidekicks
• Midichlorians (really?)
• Slow pacing
• Poop jokes
• “Yippie”

Tarrifs? Trade routes? Senate debates? Where the @$# are the battles? The jedi fighting? Where’s the “wars”? With slow pacing, we were able to tell some new horrible details. Obi-Wan’s hair shifted in size from scene to scene. The princess (ice queen) was about as loveable as a vile of herpes, and the tag-along sidekick was so ridiculous even children though he was too dopey to ingest. Various ethnic groups were outraged, and the solid fan base that spanned at least 3 generations collapsed as the idea of force-imbued blood cells are responsible for a Jedi’s power. Gaaaaaahhhh! Not even fast paced, bad-ass lightsaber duels could save this sequel. If you want a brilliant play-byplay of how this movie became an epic example of suck, check out Red Letter Media’s treatment of this film.

6) Matrix 3 – Revolutions -  The movie that ended with the entire audience saying: “What the !@#$”. The directors ended the film with a giant middle finger as a non-exciting final battle ended the series, and everything just restarted as if nothing happened, and the 3 movies you just watched were a waste of time. The offense list:

• Anti-climatic ending battle
• Dark, dark movie. Can’t see a damn thing
• Main Character blinded
• Repeated special effects gags
• Main Character’s love interest written off like a cheap soap opera
• Ends in a stalemate/restart

The special effects that made the first film a brilliant break-through couldn’t save the film from its mediocre script. Sure, it’s more realistic to kill off the characters, have the main hero blinded, and have a stupid bureaucracy call the shots. But is that what your audience really came to see? No. No it wasn’t.

5) X-3: X-men the Last Stand – This movie kicks off the top 5 worst, and it qualifies by ebing such a wild departure from the previous two movies, and ruining what could have been a solid trilogy. Bret Rattner is blamed for many of the misguided steps in this film, and earned himself a nickname: The Ratt. Let’s look at the offensive list:

• Wet Phoenix
• Xavier written off
• Cyclops written off
• “I’m the juggernaught bitch!”
• De-powered Mystique
• De-powered Magneto
• Weird end-battle timeline

Alright there’s a lot to cover here. The Phoenix is probably the most beloved storylines in the X-men mythos. After taking in the commentary for X-2, the audience learns that the Phoenix storyline was concluded there. Instead of a battle on the moon with the Imperial Titans and a giant cannon, the decision was made to use a dam. Fair enough. But the Ratt resurrected our character (why not? She is the phoenix) so that she could go on a shockingly appalling homicidal bender and exterminate the two better characters on screen. Poor Cyclops is written off as if he was dismissed from the set for bad behavior. Then the special anti-mutant serum taken from the pages of Joss Whedon’s Astonishing X-men run depowers Mystique, and becomes the focus of the story.

A battle in San Francisco begins at dawn, and then switches directly to night without explanation.  Magneto get’s depowered (Not a bad comeuppance rally) which was appalling to most X-men fans, but the Ratt couldn’t stop there. Then we get the wet phoenix. Apparently flame effects cost too much, so we had to settle for waves. Blech. Then Logan kills the Phoenix even though the fans watching the movie know from years of reading that for Wolverine to do so is @#$ing impossible.

4) Star Trek V – The Final Frontier As if killing Spock, crazy Klingon battles and saving whales wasn’t enough, William Shatner writes a screenplay that pits our famous Enterprise crew against a goofy priest, and some weird-assed creature that thinks its God.  Offending qualities:

• Birth of Spock
• A marooned God
• Foam boulders, rocks, sets, everything
• Naked-dancing Uhura
• The Enterprise still doesn’t work
• Drag-ass story
• Spock’s brother?

So among the chief complaints we all had were the unnecessary story to go see God. Really? Spock being born was awkward and silly, and his relation to a zealot was just as much of a stretch. Then The Enterprise still doesn’t work right. You can pull this gag once in a Sci-Fi universe, but did this ship ever work? Then we have “God” stuck on a planet, and the whole audience joins Kirk by throwing out Bullshit flags. Then Kirk has to fight his way through the planet of foam props in order to make ti safely to the Enterprise. Jeebus….Lousy.

3) Spider-Man 3 – Another movie from Marvel Entertainment that just killed what could have been a great trilogy. Sam Raimi gets overpowered by the Marvel/Sony brass and has to squeeze 40 pounds of dung in a ten pound bag. Here’s the list:

• Too Many villians
• Emo Dancing Spider-man
• Eric Forman returns
• Harry’s redemption?

This movie felt too full. That’s really the chief complaint. Aside form all the problems fans have with Venom, The movie felt like a bloated mess. You could tell this was a project riddled with last-minute entries, and silly executive ideas. The smooth storytelling that Sam Raimi had established in two movies had been dumped all over, and felt like a disjointed mess. Sure, Sandman’s origin and transformation were great. Hob-goblin’s fight scenes were great, but he looked nothing like the original goblin. And Harry’s sad redemption at the end was just silly. “I cleaned his wounds” speech by the butler….ugh. Now you say something?!! What the hell Geeves? And then there is the addition of Topher Grace. Now, I liked him a lot in “That 70’s Show”. And his comedic timing is singularly polished. But the poor guy is the same smart-assed character we knew on TV. (He wasn’t half bad in Predators. Check that one out. We’re pulling for your Topher) And the Emo effects of the Venom-symbiote suit were just….unbearable.

2) Batman & Robin – Where, where, why, what, where, huh?

• Bomb! Bomb! Bomb!
• The power of mirrors
• The Over-actor’s Guild
• Worst. Screenplay. Ever.
• Bat-nipples
• Ass-shots
• Neon…everything

This movie continued the Gawd-Awful Batman series that began with Batman Forever. Let’s take this one at a time. Bat-nipples. So we have nipples on the suit. Why? They are no use on a man normally, so why put them on a suit? What is the ultimate function? And if you put them on those two, why not on Batgirl’s? that would be distracting. Speaking of, Uma Thermon is damn un-watchable in this film. How can the actress who had to act so campy in this film pull off a bad ass in Kill Bill?

Then there’s Bane, treated like a dumb-ass monkey boy with the mental prowess of a 3-year-old. What happened to the fighting tactician who broke Batman’s back? And then the coup de grace, Arnold (Aw-nold) Schwartzenegger as the brilliant scientist, sympathetic anti-hero Mr. Freeze.

Holy Crap.

This movie took so many bad turns, it’s hard to numerate and explain them all on this list, so I think the Giggaheim will have to preserve this exhibit for another day.

1) Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

There’s a sketch on Robot Chicken that concerns the Muppets, and at one point Dr. Teeth says:

“Ah, holy @#$% kid, you made me piss myself”

And that sums up this sequel. Another in the line of disappointing blockbusters that we waited for over a decade for, and it turned out to be a really sad affair. Here’s the short list:

• Aliens? Really?
• Heavy handed write-offs
• Aliens?
• Let’s revisit everything that was cool
• Nut-shot jokes
• Aliens?
• Refrigerator shelters
• Aliens?
• Rubber snakes
• Mutt
• Mutt vs. monkeys
• Mutt to inherit the mantle
• Mutt and Aliens
• Giant CG Ants
• Aliens?

You may be surprised to learn that I (Pete) don’t particularly hate Shia LeBouff. I think He does well in films, much like Leonardo DiCaprio, and I don’t understand where all this hate comes from. With this movie, I hate the character, but the actor playing him has nothing to do with a crappy screenplay. The kid’s doing his best to portray the thinly-veiled crappy character that is supposed to be the son of the world’s favorite archeologist.

Now this movie sucked. A couple of people on the Giggaheim Podcast crew left the theater. That’s how bad it sucked. The awe-inspiring film making that made us grab a whip and fedora in the 1980’s officially died when this movie came out, and showed the faithful audience that Hollywood wants our wallets, and they do not care if we go to movies to be entertained or to share fantastic adventures.

So this movie recalls the earlier, cooler movies by visiting the one place on Earth we thought we would never see. Then in an escape attempt that puts Wile E. Coyote to shame, Jones escapes on a rocket to the desert and hides in a refrigerator while the desert is nuked. At this juncture we began to doubt the movie, and began to look for the annoying Chinese kid. That’s when Mutt appears, making this a “fun” family film. Indy has to save an nutty professor to save Marion from the Communists who are after aliens so they can have psychic powers to….do whatever the hell they want…I don’t remember anymore.

At this point we are treated to rubber snakes, Monkeys, nut jokes, and giant CG ants. The end of the road is a Myan temple that aliens built so they could die there, and then launch their spacecraft in the 1950’s before the world goes ape with satellite technology that would discover them? This “adventure” wandered so wildly, that the audience is finally taken out of their misery by watching a wedding, and the final credits. And after all that, it’s hard to watch these movies anymore without a deep sense of regret. Sometimes, you can never go home.

The Rules:

1) The movie had to be better than their predecessor

2) The movie had to be a direct sequel of the previous movie

3) Franchises are fair game

10) Evil Dead 2 (1987) Sam Raimi returned to his movie with the same story but a different attitude. The movie is now a cult classic with its comedic timing, and ground breaking chase effects. Itr also catapulted Bruce Campbell to stardom.

9) 2010: The Year We Make Contact (1984) This sequel dared to follow Stanley Kubrick’s masterpiece 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968). Although slow by today’s standards, this movie clipped along at a quick pace for average movie goers in the 1980s. The dominance of modern day events leaked into this fil as to teams from the United Sates and Soviet Russia attempt to gather information on a mysterious monolith outside Jupiter and they try and uncover the mysteries surrounding the Discovery.  The film’s epic ending of a birth of another sun landed this sequel in the number 9 spot for the Giggaheim.com Podcast crew.

8 ) Spider-Man 2 (2004) Sam Raimi makes the Ten in a Half sequel list again with his second installment of the Spider-Man franchise. After he got all the exposition of the character out of the way in Spider-Man, Raimi went back to work, and introduced Doctor Octopus as the lead anti-hero and infused the fan favorite “Spider-Man No More” storyline. With high-wire fight scenes, good humor, painful drama, and Academy Award Winning Special Effects, Spider-Man 2 won the comic book fans’ hearts, and made us all hopeful that if there were a Spider-Man 3, it would be fantastic.

7) Superman 2 (1980) Speaking of comic book movie sequels, Superman 2 barely edged out Marvel Comics’ wall crawler for the number 7 spot. Although Superman won audiences over in 1978, Richard Donner proved that Superman was a great hero when he returned to the movie in 1980. By introducing 3 super powered convicts from Krypton, and challenging Kal-El with normalcy Superman defeated his villains, and embraced his heritage in an action packed sequel that demonstrated what made Superman so…..super. And this time, it was without turning the world backwards. (cheat)

6) Christmas Vacation (1989) After a miserable vacation through Europe that made audiences fatigued, Jeremiah Chechik reinvigorated the National Lampoon Vacation series with what is now a Christmas movie classic. Clark Griswold attempts to survive another Christmas filled with loony family, crispy dinners, super-slick sleds, and about 100,000 Christmas lights. The movie isn’t just highly quotable, but also reminds us of at least one part of Christmas with out families.

5) Aliens (1986) You can see a pattern in the 1980s can’t you? Well the next movies we hit next on the list will all be classic sequels that were hotly debated on the  Giggaheim.com Podcast, and Aliens was definitely one of them. James Cameron built an action/thriller on Ridley Scott’s terrifying space thriller with a legion of aliens, a squad of marines, and claustrophobic sets. The movie wasn’t just injected with testosterone and action though. Cameron, David Giller, and Walter Hill created a story that added to the Alien mythos, and fleshed out the world we could barely see in the shadows.

4) Batman: Dark Knight (2008) The most recent of our Ten In a Half, The Dark Knight had a superior amount of the winning combination that reboot the Batman franchise with Batman Begins in 2005. With the stoic Bruce Wayne in place, Christopher Nolan increased the amount of dramatic stress and intensity by introducing the iconic Batman villain, The Joker. Heath Ledger would envelope the role, winning himself a posthumous Oscar for his performance, devouring the screen and making his presence felt off screen. Nolan also succeeded where others failed by introducing several villains without compromising the story, pace, or interest for the viewers.

3) Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982) In 1966, The Seed was first aired, and TV audiences were treated to a villain that almost bested Captain James T. Kirk: Khan Noonien Singh. The genetically engineered super-villain wreaked havoc on the Enterprise, wound up maroon on a planet, and has a triumphant return in Star Trek II. Ricardo Mantalban reprised his role, and wastes no time hijacking a Federation starship and hunting down the man responsible for his sorrows. Under Nicholas Meyer’s direction, the Star Trek franchise found new life after an almost fatal start on the big screen. He brought a more Naval approach to the film, bring the sense of the military back, and treating the audience to a thrilling engagement of two starships attempting to destroy one another. Along-side the space battles, we get a deeper look into the psyche of James T. Kirk, and we see how Khan and Kirk complete a willful and deadly circle. Not only was the battle between two forceful wills engaging, but the movie broke our hearts as we (SPOILER) suffered the death of Spock. Many a fanboy’s tears were shed that day, and we still feel the pang of loss when watching our favorite science officer collapse in the Dilithium chamber.

2) Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991) Our other director who was able to make the Ten In A Half list was James Cameron. The director who brought new life to the Alien franchise tuned his attention to one of his first films, The Terminator. Continuing the tale of a AI shattered future, Cameron resurrects the Terminator from the original 1984 movie, and pits the unstoppable killing machine against a more advanced unstoppable killing machine. With ground breaking special effects by ILM, the shape shifting T-1000 slaughters, impersonates, and keeps on coming through this action packed, futuristic bonanza. The original was an intense chase/action film, and the sequel continued the tradition by pushing the bounds of special effects while keeping the traditional action pace.

1) Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back (1980) Event after 30 years, this classic tops our Ten In A Half list. No greater pressure could befall George Lucas than to follow up on his smash hit Star Wars. However, with Lawrence Kasdan’s script and Irvin Kershner’s direction, George Lucas brought an A-team to bear and created a legendary sci-fi sequel. Balancing several storylines, the Star Wars mythos deepened into a yawning chasm of Jedi teachings, Imperial dominance, bounty hunters, exotic planets, malfunctioning ships, giant battles, diminutive masters, and sorrowful endings. The amount of elements injected in this story was as vast as the world the original Star Wars had introduced. The characters only got better, the script can be repeated verbatim by any geek worth their salt, and the special effects by ILM were untouchable. Even the Special Edition of this movie released in 1997 had very little added to it since the movie was delivered as close to perfection as possible out of the can. Not only did George Lucas reinvigorate a genre, but this team he assembled showed the world how to build on greatness, and make a sequel.

10) Milk was a bad choice.

– Ron Burgundy – Will Farrell  – Anchorman (2004)

9) A gun rack? I don’t even own a gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack.

– Wayne Campbell – Mike Myers – Wayne’s World (1992)

8 ) The First Rule of Fight Club is…you Don’t Talk About Fight Club

Tyler Durden – Brad Pitt – Fight Club (19  )

7) Voilà! in view, a humble Vaudevillian Veteran, cast Vicariously as both Victim and Villain by the Vicissitudes of Fate. This Visage, no mere Veneer of Vanity, is a Vestige of the Vox populi, now Vacant, Vanished. However, this Valorous Visitation of a bygone Vexation stands Vivified, and has Vowed to Vanquish these Venal and Virulent Vermin Vanguarding Vice and Vouchsafing the Violently Vicious and Voracious Violation of Volition! The only Verdict is Vengeance– a Vendetta, held as a Votive– not in Vain, for the Value and Veracity of such shall one day Vindicate the Vigilant and the Virtuous. Verily, this Vichyssoise of Verbiage Veers most Verbose, so let me simply add that it’s my Very good honor to meet you, and you may call me V.

- V – Hugo Weaving – V for Vendetta (2005)

6) Hey, you know, fu** you man. Any moron with a pack of matches can set a fire. Raining down sulfur is like an endurance trial. Mass genocide is the most exhausting activity one can engage in . . . next to soccer.

- Loki – Matt Damon – Dogma (1999)

5) It can be truly said, that I have a bat in my belfry.

- Joker – Jack Nicholson – Batman (1990)

4) Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker.

- John McClaine – Bruce Willis – Die Hard (1988)

3) If you build it, they will come.

- The Voice – Field of Dreams (1989)

2) Do You Follow me? – Yes – Well Stop Following me or I’ll have you arrested!

– Otis B Driftwood – Groucho Marx – A Night At The Opera – (1935)

1)    I’m afraid I can’t do that Dave.

– HAL – Douglas Rain – 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)

10) Al Capone – The Untouchables

Robert DeNiro brings the notorious prohibition Chicago gangster to life in the 1987 film The Untouchables. Al Capone’s vicious nature of threatening his enemies and loved ones of his enemies, coupled with his strangle hold of Chicago make him the top gangster, and only real life character in the Top 10 Movie Villains list.

9) Nurse Ratchet – One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

Louise Fletcher has a career with roles on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, VR.5, and Picket Fences, but her most famous has to be Nurse Ratchet in One Flew Over the Cukoo’s Nest. The nurse who tormented the inmates, was a inescapable nightmare, and the role of the tormentor of the mentally insane landed her an Oscar.

8 ) Delores Umbridge – Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Along the line of tormentors, the number 8 villain gradually tightens an iron grip around the fabled and cherished world of Hogwarts School for Wizardry and Witchcraft. Delores Umbridge gradually enforces her will on Harry’s only favorable dwelling he can belong to, and by enforcing a towering stack of rules, erodes our hero’s freedoms, and blocks his every move. Her eventual end is one that is always favorably remembered, which is a mark of a good villain.

7) Maleficent – Sleeping Beauty

The podcast crew truly feels remorse for someone who’s childhood wasn’t haunted by a witch who could put you in a coma, and eat your loved ones as a fire breathing dragon. This vane witch is most children’s first encounter with a being who is to be feared, and would do anything to get her way. The impressive part is, she has been imposing her villainy on children since 1959 and she is the only cartoon villain in the top 10.

6) Percy Wetmore – The Green Mile

An unlikely villain that has been overlooked, this spoiled and deranged prison guard barbecued a death row inmate out of morbid and sadistic curiosity. While this story of death row inmates in the depression is filled with awful characters, none shows the genuine cruelty that Percy Wetmore demonstrates, and his comeuppance is delicious. He is one of two villains created by the celebrated author Stephen King on the top 10 list.

5) Agent Smith – The Matrix

Hotly debated on the podcast, Hugo Weaving’s virtual enforcer starts the top 5. Agent smith, lead enforcer of the matrix, has an eerie calm that is only broken by his expert use of kung fu. His placid demeanor and ruthless aggression eventually threaten the entire Matrix that birthed him as he becomes a worthy adversary to the god-like protagonist, Neo.

4) Annie Wilks – Misery

The second Stephen King villain on the list is Anne Wilks. The kindly nurse who eventually becomes a monstrous and suffocating force of evil. This obsessed nurse (another nurse) nurtures Paul Sheldon to life to continue creating her favorite world, and answer to her whims. The role was brought to life by Kathy Bates, who won an Oscar for her performance, and haunts our ankles.

3) Col. Hans Landa – Inglorious Basterds

Although most Nazis are worthy enemies, few ever make a top 10 list. Until now. This Jew-hunting villain was brought to life by Christoph Waltz who won an Oscar for the role. This evil detective’s charm and calculating strategy make him a formidable and entertaining villain.

2) Darth Vader – Star Wars

There isn’t much left to say that hasn’t been said before. Along the line of Maleficent, this fallen Jedi betrayed his order, blew up a planet, cut the hand off his son, and strangled anyone who performed their job poorly. His steady and creepy breathing, imposing stature, and inhuman cyborg body have haunted generations since 1977.

1) The Joker – Batman: The Dark Knight This villain normally tops the top ten comic book villains, but thanks to Hearth Ledger’s Oscar winning performance, it tops our Top 10 movie villains. Not only is the villain infamous, but in “Batman: The Dark Knight” his presence is felt even off screen. The scenes of the Joker are the ones we all skip to on the DVD and quote to one another, but it is the Joker’s calculating plots, un-winnable scenarios, haunting videos, and ruthless violence made him our top ten villain on screen.