It’s a given that some days you just don’t know what to write about. It’s equally true that some days you get up out of bed with that energized feeling knowing that a story is out there, you just have to dig for it. And then there are days like today where someone important goes off the deep end and says something incredibly strange. A day like today falls into the “sometimes these things just write themselves” category. I love days like today.

Case in point, I give you Andy Lark, Dell’s head of global enterprise marketing. Mr. Lark recently gave an interview to the Australian website CIO with his thoughts on the Apple iPads and let me tell you, there is some comedy gold to be had. Let’s hit some of the highlights shall we?

[Apple has] done a really nice job, they’ve got a great product, but the challenge they’ve got is that already Android is outpacing them. – Andy Lark

 

To what area of outpacing are you referring to Mr. Lark? Most apps yanked from the market due to Vulgarity or Racism? Most tablets with better hardware numbers that still aren’t as operationally smooth as the iPad? Perhaps you were thinking of most apps that simply don’t function on Android as they aren’t held to a rigorous inspection before being launched into the Android marketplace? Then, yes, Android is certainly outpacing Apple in these categories.

Apple is great if you’ve got a lot of money and live on an island. It’s not so great if you have to exist in a diverse, open, connected enterprise; simple things become quite complex. – Andy Lark

 

There is truth in this statement but not as intended. You know what most network admins find in a diverse, open, connected enterprise? Simple things do become quite complex. Simple things like two brands of network cards not working in the same machine even though they are supposedly built to the same industry standard. Simple things such as accounting software that will run on one processor but not on another or clients installing multiple browsers and then wondering why all their plugins don’t work. I’m not for every piece of hardware and software being designed by Apple but years of lax enforcement of agreed upon industry protocols has left me thirsty for things that just work.

An iPad with a keyboard, a mouse and a case [means] you’ll be at $1500 or $1600; that’s double of what you’re paying. That’s not feasible. – Andy Lark

 

I’ll give Mr. Lark the benefit of the doubt and assume there was a math error and not deliberate manipulation of the truth. Let’s do some addition: iPad 2, 16 GB, 3G = $629.00 / ZAGGmate Case with Keyboard = $99.00 / Apple Magic Mouse (Can be used with Jailbreak or an app could be written) = $69.00. So then, I come up with a total of $797.00 and that’s full retail. Mr. Lark it would appear you are 7 to 8 hundred dollars off in your quote. I’m glad you’re not selling me a car.

 

Mr. Lark went on to mention that Dell would be staking their claim with Windows 7 and Android Honeycomb as a multi OS strategy and that choice was an important factor in consumer decisions. Apple sold 14.8 million iPads in 2010 and certainly many more in 2011 with the release of iPad 2. Over 80% of the Fortune 100 companies are using iPads in various ways, often retiring their current tablet pc inventory in favor of iPad. It would appear that choice truly has been a factor already as many have chosen Apple and the iPad.

 

 

I know I’ve heard this line of marketing before but I just can’t seem to place it. (Deep thought occurring – you can make your own hardrive spin up noise if you like.) Now I remember! This is the same stuff we heard from Nokia and Rim shortly before the iPhone destroyed them. In summary, it’s simply too hard to make out Mr. Lark’s argument over the sound of planes, trains and automobiles hurriedly delivering iPad 2′s to customers, both enterprise and individuals.

Yeah, I just love days like today.